Quick Highlights:
- Physical self-care activities like exercise and proper sleep help reduce stress hormones during divorce
- Emotional self-care practices, including therapy and journaling, provide healthy outlets for processing feelings
- Social connections and support groups combat the isolation many people feel during separation
- Financial self-care, such as budgeting and seeking advice, reduces anxiety about post-divorce life
- Creative activities and hobbies offer distraction and help rebuild identity outside of marriage
What Is Self-Care During Divorce and Why Does It Matter?
Self-care for divorce isn’t about bubble baths and face masks, though those can help. It’s about taking deliberate actions to protect your physical, emotional, and mental health during one of life’s most stressful transitions. When your marriage ends, it’s easy to neglect yourself whilst dealing with legal paperwork, financial worries, and childcare arrangements. But looking after yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
Research from the American Psychological Association shows that divorce ranks as one of the top stressful life events, second only to the death of a spouse. Your body responds to this stress with increased cortisol levels, disrupted sleep patterns, and potential immune system problems. Self-care during divorce gives you practical tools to manage these physical and emotional impacts.
This guide offers 20 evidence-based self-care strategies that people going through divorce have found genuinely helpful. These aren’t abstract concepts but actionable steps you can take today to feel more grounded and in control.
Understanding the Different Types of Self-Care for Separation
Self-care for separation falls into several categories, each addressing different aspects of your well being. Physical self-care focuses on your body’s needs. Emotional self-care helps you process feelings. Social self-care maintains important connections. Financial self-care reduces money-related stress. Understanding these categories helps you identify which areas need most attention.
Many people neglect certain types of self-care during divorce. You might focus entirely on legal matters whilst ignoring your emotional needs. Or you might lean heavily on friends for support but forget to exercise or eat properly. A balanced approach across all areas creates better outcomes.
Physical Self-Care Ideas for People Going Through Divorce
1. Prioritise Sleep (Even When Your Mind Races)
Sleep often becomes difficult during divorce. Your mind might replay conversations or worry about the future at 3am. Creating a consistent bedtime routine signals to your body that it’s time to rest.
Try going to bed at the same time each night. Remove screens from your bedroom an hour before sleep. Some people find guided sleep meditations helpful, available free on apps like Insight Timer. If sleep problems persist beyond a few weeks, it can be helpful to speak with your GP.
2. Move Your Body Daily
Exercise releases endorphins, which naturally improve mood. You don’t need an expensive gym membership or hours of free time. A 20-minute walk around your neighbourhood counts. Dancing to music in your living room counts. Gardening counts.
Sarah, who went through her divorce last year, started walking her dog twice daily instead of once. “It gave me time to think without the kids around,” she says. “And I felt physically better, which helped me handle everything else.”
3. Eat Regular, Nutritious Meals
Divorce can mess with your appetite. Some people stop eating properly because they’re too stressed or sad. Others comfort eat. Both responses are understandable, but neither helps you feel good long-term.
Set alarms on your phone to remind you to eat if you’re forgetting meals. Batch cook on weekends so you have healthy options ready. Don’t aim for perfection—aim for regular meals that include some vegetables and protein.
4. Limit Alcohol and Avoid Excessive Caffeine
It’s tempting to pour a large glass of wine after a difficult day. Alcohol might help you relax initially, but it disrupts sleep and can worsen anxiety the next day. The NHS recommends no more than 14 units per week, spread across several days.
Excessive caffeine can heighten anxiety feelings. If you’re drinking multiple energy drinks or cups of coffee, consider reducing gradually. Replace some with herbal tea or water.
Emotional Self-Care Strategies for Divorce Recovery
5. Consider Professional Therapy or Counselling
Talking to a trained therapist gives you a confidential space to process your feelings without burdening friends and family. Therapists who specialise in divorce understand the specific challenges you’re facing.
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) has a find a therapist tool on their website. Some offer reduced rates for people on lower incomes. Your GP can also refer you to NHS counselling services, though waiting times vary.
6. Start a Daily Journaling Practice
Writing down your thoughts helps you process them. You don’t need to write pages—even bullet points about your day can help. Some
people find it useful to write three things they’re grateful for each evening, which gradually shifts focus towards positive aspects of life.
James started journaling when his wife left. “I was surprised how much it helped,” he admits. “I could vent everything onto paper instead of texting angry messages I’d regret.”
7. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings
Society often suggests you should “stay strong” or “move on quickly.” That’s unrealistic. Sadness, anger, relief, guilt—all these feelings are normal during divorce. Trying to suppress them usually makes them stronger.
Set aside time to acknowledge how you’re feeling. Cry if you need to. Punch a pillow if you’re angry. Then do something nurturing for yourself afterwards.
8. Practice Mindfulness or Meditation
Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment without judgement. It can reduce anxiety about the future and rumination about the past. Apps like Headspace offer guided meditations specifically for dealing with stress and change.
Start with just five minutes daily. Sit quietly and focus on your breathing. When your mind wanders to divorce worries, gently bring it back to your breath.
9. Set Boundaries Around Divorce Discussions
You don’t need to talk about your divorce with everyone who asks. It’s acceptable to say, “I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather not discuss it right now.” This protects your emotional energy.
Similarly, limit how much time you spend each day thinking about divorce logistics. Set specific times to handle paperwork or communicate with your ex, then do other things the rest of the time.
Social Self-Care: Building Your Support Network
10. Join a Divorce Support Group
Support groups connect you with people who truly understand what you’re going through. Sharing experiences with others in similar situations reduces feelings of isolation.
Organisations like Gingerbread offer support groups for single parents. Many areas have local divorce recovery groups that meet in person or online. Check community centres, libraries, or Facebook groups for options near you.
11. Maintain Friendships (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It)
During divorce, it’s tempting to isolate yourself. You might feel embarrassed or think friends won’t want to hear about your problems. Most genuine friends want to support you but don’t always know how.
Accept invitations even when you’d rather stay home. You don’t need to discuss your divorce—sometimes a normal conversation about other topics provides welcome relief.
12. Limit Contact with Negative People
Some people seem to thrive on drama or give unhelpful advice. They might encourage you to “take your ex for everything they’ve got” or share horror stories about their own divorces. These interactions drain your energy without providing real support.
It’s acceptable to distance yourself from people who make you feel worse. Protect your peace.
13. Plan Activities with Your Children (If You Have Them)
Self-care during separation when you have children means creating positive experiences together. Your children are also going through a difficult time. Planned activities give everyone something to look forward to.
These don’t need to be expensive. Baking together, board game nights, or nature walks all work. The goal is quality time and creating new family memories in your changed circumstances.
Financial Self-Care for Divorce
14. Create a Post-Divorce Budget
Money worries add significant stress to divorce. Creating a realistic budget for your new single-household income helps you understand your financial position clearly.
List all your income sources and all expenses. Include everything—housing, utilities, food, transport, childcare, and some discretionary spending. Be honest about your numbers. There are free budgeting templates available on the Money Helper website, which is backed by the government.
15. Seek Professional Financial Advice
Complex financial matters during divorce, such as dividing pensions or dealing with property, benefit from professional guidance. A financial adviser who specialises in divorce can help you understand long-term implications of different settlement options.
Some advisers offer initial consultations at no cost. The Money Advice Service provides free, impartial financial guidance. Don’t make major financial decisions without understanding the full picture.
16. Avoid Stress-Shopping or Impulse Purchases
Emotional spending feels good temporarily but creates problems later. Whether you’re buying yourself treats or spending on your children out of guilt, this coping mechanism can lead to debt.
Before making purchases, wait 24 hours. Ask yourself whether you need the item or just want a temporary mood boost. Find free or low-cost mood boosters instead, like calling a friend or going for a walk.
Creative and Personal Development Self-Care
17. Rediscover Old Hobbies or Start New Ones
Marriage often means compromising on interests. Divorce gives you freedom to pursue activities you enjoy without considering someone else’s preferences.
Did you used to paint? Play an instrument? Read voraciously? Now’s the time to reconnect with these interests. Or try something completely new. Many community centres offer affordable evening classes in everything from pottery to photography.
18. Learn Something New
Taking a class or learning a new skill serves multiple purposes. It occupies your mind with something other than divorce. It builds confidence as you develop competence. It potentially connects you with new people.
Consider learning a language, taking a cookery class, or doing an online course in something that interests you. Platforms like FutureLearn offer many free courses.
19. Create a Vision for Your Future
Self-care for divorce includes looking forward as well as processing the past. What do you want your life to look like in one year? Five years? Where do you want to live? What kind of relationships do you want?
Write down your vision. Create a vision board with images representing your goals. This isn’t about denying current difficulties but about maintaining hope for better times ahead.
20. Practice Self-Compassion
Perhaps the most important self-care strategy is treating yourself kindly. You’ll make mistakes during this process. You’ll have bad days. You might handle situations in ways you later regret.
Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a good friend going through divorce. Would you tell them they’re failing or stupid? Probably not. Extend the same compassion to yourself.
Implementing Self-Care When You’re Overwhelmed
Starting all 20 strategies at once isn’t realistic or necessary. Choose two or three that resonate most with your current needs. Try them for a fortnight and notice any differences in how you feel.
Many people find physical self-care easiest to start with because it has clear, measurable actions. Once you establish one or two habits, gradually add others.
Remember that self-care during divorce looks different for everyone. What helps your friend might not help you. Experiment to find what works for your personality, circumstances, and needs.
When Self-Care Isn’t Enough
These strategies provide valuable support during divorce, but they’re not substitutes for professional help when needed. If you’re experiencing any of the following, please reach out to your GP or a mental health professional:
- Persistent feelings of hopelessness lasting more than two weeks
- Thoughts of self-harm or suicide
- Inability to get out of bed or complete basic daily tasks
- Panic attacks or severe anxiety affecting daily functioning
- Substance abuse as a coping mechanism
The Samaritans offers 24/7 emotional support at 116 123. You can call them any time, free of charge, if you’re struggling to cope.
Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Care During Divorce
How do I practice self-care during divorce when I have no time?
Start small with five-minute activities. Deep breathing exercises, a short walk, or listening to one song you love all count. Self-care doesn’t require hours of free time. Even taking five minutes to drink your morning coffee without distractions is beneficial. Schedule self-care like you’d schedule any important appointment.
Is it selfish to focus on myself during divorce?
No. Looking after yourself makes you better able to handle divorce proceedings, support your children if you have them, and build your new life. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary maintenance.
What self-care activities are free or low-cost?
Many effective self-care strategies cost nothing. Walking, journaling, free meditation apps, library books, calling friends, and practising gratitude are all free. YouTube offers free yoga classes and exercise videos. Local parks provide free green space for relaxation.
How long until self-care starts helping?
Some benefits appear immediately. A walk can improve your mood within 20 minutes. Other benefits accumulate over time. Regular exercise might take several weeks to significantly impact sleep quality. Therapy often requires multiple sessions before you notice major changes. Consistency matters more than immediate results.
Should I tell my ex about my self-care practices?
That’s entirely your choice. Your self-care is personal and doesn’t require your ex’s knowledge or approval. If you’re co-parenting and your self-care activities affect childcare schedules, practical discussions might be necessary. But you don’t owe explanations about how you’re taking care of yourself.
Can self-care help with co-parenting stress?
Yes. When you’re managing your own stress and emotions effectively, you’re better equipped to handle difficult co-parenting situations. Self-care helps you respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally. Physical exercise particularly helps reduce the stress hormones that might otherwise lead to conflict.
Key Takeaways: Building Your Self-Care Routine
Self-care for divorce gives you tools to manage one of life’s most stressful transitions. The strategies in this guide address physical, emotional, social, and financial well being. You don’t need to implement everything at once.
Choose two or three activities that feel manageable and relevant to your situation. Try them consistently for at least two weeks. Notice what helps and what doesn’t. Adjust your approach based on your needs.
Remember that taking care of yourself isn’t optional during divorce. It’s how you maintain the strength and clarity needed to make good decisions and build a positive future. Be patient with yourself as you learn what works for you.